Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
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