bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
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