i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
