I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
