I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
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