she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
