I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Randomize
