my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
She swung at the pinata with crutches
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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