Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize
