Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
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