I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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