...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
