So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
