If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
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