I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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