whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
Randomize
