i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
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