Old men and throwing up are my life now.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Randomize
