one word: firstdatebathroomanal
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
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