what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
