Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
