I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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