so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
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