people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Randomize
