your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
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