Yeah....I really appreciate it....I didn't even get it from hooking up....lame, atleast if a girl gets u sick when u r hooking up it was fun in its inception...
I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
