Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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