The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Randomize
