I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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