I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
what ever happened to devon sawa?
fuck...who knows?
i'm really worried about him.
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Randomize
