I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
I'm just crazy horny about you
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize
