i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Randomize
