he was CRYING into my vagina
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize