He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Randomize
