Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
Randomize
