Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
