I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Randomize