my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
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