Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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