Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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