The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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