I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
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