I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Randomize
