It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
There's a naked man in my car right now.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
