Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
Randomize
