I'm really into asian looking animals
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
