Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Randomize
