I love black thongs
6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
