can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Randomize
