Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
Help me help you realize you are a moron
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
