We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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