Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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