I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Randomize
