yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Randomize
