I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Randomize
