I swear she didn't look like that last week.
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
You need a sexual gate keeper
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
Randomize