ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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