I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
My day in three words: secret purse cake
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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