So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
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