You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
I made him laugh his dick is mine
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
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