When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize