If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
Randomize
