chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
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