I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
We got so high we made milksteak
i just made my gag reflex go away.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
