If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize