Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
