All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
