Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
I believe in your delicious
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
Randomize
