shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
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