peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
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