His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Randomize
