Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
Randomize
