My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Randomize
