We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
