i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
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