She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
You need Xanax blowdarts
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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