and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
I have surprise drugs for everyone
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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