I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
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