We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
