you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
