how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize